Remembering as You Write—One Way to Memoir

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I often do not know what I will write about when I begin working on my memoir on any given day. I simply begin writing about something that occurred, perhaps even that day, and let my mind flow freely in whatever direction it will. If there have been some particularly sensory moments that stirred me to memory, ie. the smell of rain coming or leaves burning, the morning's first bird song or kids shouting as they play in a backyard, the taste of a tomato and mayo on bread – all the better. But I find if I simply begin writing with memories in mind, something from my past, like the Mummy from that old film, will rise to the surface to freak me out.

I have created for myself an alternate route as well. The way I see it, there are short term memoirs (which may have occurred as recently as that morning) and long term memoirs which may take us back to childhood or youth. There's no reason, as far as I can see, to actually separate these into different notebooks. Quite often, one leads to another. Mostly likely, remembering something that happened yesterday will key a memory from years past, or remind me of the original causal root for why I act the way I do now.

For instance, my book is called "Frankly I Think I've Been Freaked Out All My Life." Here is an answer to how the present may be affected by the past, at least in my case. The question you must ask yourself is, "What's your excuse?" Don't take any of this too seriously. Let your memories be stimulated by anything that works. I don't advise alcohol or drugs simply because they will take their toll in the long run. Ask me how I know.

Here's a quick "for instance." I was writing about going to the VA and how that freaks me out, and I remembered that, in actuality, I've been freaked out for most of my 50-something years. Although the military really put some shine on that old PTSD, I have to admit they had something they could work with when I joined up. I don't think I'm the only one either. Not by a long shot. Thousands of people get a lot more freaked out than they started by joining or being drafted into the military.

But really, I've been weirded out from infancy. Mom said I cried frequently and loudly as an infant; so much so that as a seminary student and a young nurse, my parents, in desperate need of a good night's sleep, wrapped cloths and padding around the faucets and knobs in the bathtub and closed me up in the bathroom to see if they could ignore their big-mouthed baby. By the age of just a few months, I found myself in my first padded cell. Was this a precursor of things to come?

I'm sure they believed I would wear myself out, cry myself to sleep, but I was already extremely sensitive to my environment and was way too freaked out to slumber peacefully. Who knows how much these early childhood experiences affect us as we get older? I am an insomniac to this day, tossing and turning and reading until I have worn myself down enough to finally pass out. Obviously, this is somewhat hereditary since neither my dad nor my middle sister sleep well. Luckily, both my sister and I maintain a secretive chocolate stash we raid in the middle of the night, and that seems to help.

After all that bawling as a mere babe, my parents should not wonder at the need I feel to use my voice, even if they do wish I would shut up and quit telling all these stories about our family. I have never had much of a sense of privacy. That fact alone makes me quite different from the rest of them, and could be the real clue that I am not really from them, but an alien life form as I expected way back when.

I'm not saying freaked-outness is all bad. The freaked-out have a way of noticing things other, more "normal," people miss as they move along at high velocity making money or acting properly. This is why freaked out people need to become painters or poets or crafts people or something, so that people will think of them as ARTISTS and we can find gainful employment and even happiness. That is if your parents or teachers or SOMEBODY eventually recognizes you are freaked out, not simply behaving badly, and tries to steer you in a perhaps slightly more creative direction.

Like that...

Write me if you have any questions so far. Try to answer them yourself first, though. On paper. Then you'll be starting your own memoir.

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